Warrior Poet

The last day of my 7-day journey out of the pit of doubt, fear, and unbelief. The subject that caught my attention on this final day is worship. Worship is my response to experiencing God. He is holy. He is beautiful and beyond compare. He is love. Worship is natural and good for me. In worship, I take my eyes off myself and fix them on Jesus. And the things of this earth suddenly grow strangely dim. As I see Jesus for who he really is, I realize I am chosen, wanted, cherished, accepted, and loved. As I remember who he is and what he has done, I respond in worship, and I am changed. After 7 days of journaling what I believe God has clearly and simply been telling me, part of a verse comes to mind that captures my heart's desire and prayer. I want to know Christ. (Philippians 3:10)

God is love. (1 John 4:16) There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear. (1John 4:18) It is natural to believe in (trust) someone you have come to know and love wholeheartedly. Perhaps for me God is focusing on love vs. belief for this reason. Focusing on belief can quickly become a cerebral activity that is disengaged from the heart. Jesus didn't push his disciples to immediately believe in him. They walked with him, spent time getting to know him, and wrestled with their doubts. After all, he first said to them, "follow me" not "believe in me". It was only later that he asked, "who do you say that I am?" When Jesus came to Peter after Peter had denied knowing Jesus, he didn't ask Peter, "do you believe in me?" No, he asked him, "do you love me?" At its core, Christianity is not believing a set of propositional truth claims. It is getting to know Jesus; learning to love him wholeheartedly and to trust him completel...

Then the LORD said to me, "Go again, love a woman who is loved by a lover and is committing adultery, just like the love of the LORD for the children of Israel, who look to other gods and love the raisin cakes of the pagans." (Hosea 3:1) Relentless love. Fierce love. Irrational love. Unfailing love. God loves me. This is a true statement but the words by themselves are cold...just ink on paper. The story of Hosea and Gomer helps me come a little closer to understanding how much God loves me. But it is only through experiencing His love personally that I finally get it. I know I will never fully comprehend God's love for me, but I know I need it. I need Him. Trusting God means loving Him. Loving God means trusting Him. Both trusting Him and loving Him require that I know Him personally. Not abstractly, not just intellectually, and not only through stories in books. Personal, authentic, real relationship. It is strange to realize, however, that I can become dissatis...

What I believe God clearly and simply told me today. Love never gives up, never loses faith, is always hopeful, and endures through every circumstance. (1 Cor. 13:7) Loving God wholeheartedly and faith (trusting Him) go hand-in-hand. I've noticed this theme over the last four days of listening and journaling. God is trustworthy. He keeps all of His promises. He is present in my fears. He initiates a relationship with me. He will finish what He has begun in me. These are true statements, but I believe God wants me to know them through personal experience and believe these truths about Him deep within my heart. Not just in my head, but in my innermost being. For some, this happens almost immediately. For others it takes time. For the disciples it took a long time. The love described in 1 Corinthians 13 that God wants me to express is the same love I must first receive from Him. It is His love received that becomes mine to give. You cannot impart what you do not possess. Later ...

Day 3 coming out of the pit of doubt, fear, and unbelief. From today's Our Daily Bread: The God who started this great work in you will keep at it until He completes it on the very day Jesus Christ appears. "For I am confident of this very thing, that He who began a good work in you will perfect it until the day of Christ." (Philippians 1:6)  God is the initiator. He knew me before I was born. He predestined me. He called me. He justified me. He will glorify me (Romans 8:29-30). Father, thank you for taking the initiative in my life to save me. Thank you for giving me the faith I have as well as for the desire and ability to place my faith in You. Help me to not over-analyze my faith -- my every thought, feeling, motive, and intention. Help me to not deceive myself or be deceived into believing a lie. Help me to simply trust you with childlike faith and rest in You and in Your finished work. I need You to affirm my identity and to speak what is true about me and...

Day 2 coming out of the pit of doubt, fear, and unbelief. What I believe God said clearly and plainly to me today. Today's Experiencing God Day-By-Day devotional was about love and obedience (John 14:21). Genuine love for God leads to wholehearted obedience. Obedience does not lead to wholehearted love. Obedience is the fruit of genuine love. Obedience without love is legalism, which will either lead to pride or despair. God looks beyond your moral lifestyle, and beyond your church involvement, and focuses His penetrating gaze upon your heart. Return to your first love. Father, it feels strange to ask You to help me fall in love with You but that's what I'm asking. I guess if it was easy or automatic to love You then You wouldn't have needed to command it. Help me to return to You, my first love. I want to fulfill the greatest commandment (Mark 12:30), but I admit I can't do it in my own strength. I ask You to lead me there. Captivate me. Arrest my heart, my...

Doubt, Fear, Unbelief. For more than two decades I have struggled with these inner demons. At their worst I have thought about suicide and run from God. Other times I have felt the warmth of hope and the assurance of faith. Today begins a new chapter in my journey out of the pit. I will journal what God clearly and plainly tells me over the next seven days. As one who struggles with doubt, there is something very assuring about things external to myself. After all, the doubter's battle is within. I don't trust my own feelings or thoughts. It's quite humbling, embarrassing, and risky to admit this publicly and to write about what God is telling me personally. The courage to do it came through the story and example of an immoral woman (see Luke 7:36-50). She didn't care how she looked or what others thought of her. She sought out Jesus and broke down, sobbing at his feet. As for me, I've been more like the Pharisee in the story. No more. Even if I fall apart e...

"I will display my holiness through those who come near me. I will display my glory before all the people." (Leviticus 10:3)   "Draw near to God and He will draw near to you." (James 4:8)   "And you will seek Me and find Me when you search for Me with all your heart." (Jeremiah 29:13) God knows my heart. He knows the intentions of my heart. He knows when I am truly seeking Him with all my heart and He knows when it is halfhearted. I may not always know, but He does. Do you want to see God display His holiness through you? Do you want to see His glory? "Come to me" (Matt. 11:28) Pursue me. Follow me. Obey me. Love me with all your heart. Loving God and holiness go together. Loving God without holiness is like faith without works. Faith without works is mental assent. Love without holiness is sentimentality. "We tend to worship our work, work at our play, and play at our worship." (Chuck Swindoll) My fear is that we spend more...