Out Of The Pit - Part 5

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Then the LORD said to me, "Go again, love a woman who is loved by a lover and is committing adultery, just like the love of the LORD for the children of Israel, who look to other gods and love the raisin cakes of the pagans." (Hosea 3:1)
Relentless love. Fierce love. Irrational love. Unfailing love.

God loves me. This is a true statement but the words by themselves are cold...just ink on paper. The story of Hosea and Gomer helps me come a little closer to understanding how much God loves me. But it is only through experiencing His love personally that I finally get it. I know I will never fully comprehend God's love for me, but I know I need it. I need Him.

Trusting God means loving Him. Loving God means trusting Him. Both trusting Him and loving Him require that I know Him personally. Not abstractly, not just intellectually, and not only through stories in books. Personal, authentic, real relationship.

It is strange to realize, however, that I can become dissatisfied with a perfect lover. I can begin to give my affections to other lovers. Lesser lovers. Oh it's exciting at first to be sure. It promises everything, but it inevitably leads to disappointment, disillusionment, and slavery.

And in the pit, I hear a voice. It's His voice. The one I betrayed and abandoned is here in the pit with me...again.  His voice is familiar...soothing. His eyes are filled with compassion, love, and forgiveness. His hand is stretched out towards me. In my shame I want to run. I can't even manage to look into His eyes. I can't believe He's really willing to rescue me. I want to believe and reach out to Him but my hand remains frozen at my side. Oh Father, see into my heart. I need You to rescue me while I sit here frozen and unable to move. I need You to give me the faith and the courage to look up to You and reach out my hand to You. Help me to believe. It feels impossible. I need You to love me. Give me the 'want to' to be rescued. I confess that part of me still loves the darkness. I don't know who the real me is. Calm my fears and doubts. Grab me by the hand and lead me out of this pit. I want You to. I ask You to. I need You to.

A stirring begins somewhere deep within. It's faint. I slowly look up. My hand is moving from my side. I'm trembling. The fear and doubt is still here. But I hope.

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